Mountain out of a Molehill

Corporate life is all about survival. Some corporate executives look after their own survival. Many others constantly work to make sure that others don’t survive, as a presumed prerequisite for their own existence. A common strategy to achieve this could be the proverbial making a mountain out of a molehill.

Let us not fool ourselves by thinking that this is an easy-to-practice strategy. If you are someone who looks at a house on fire and simply states the fact as, ‘a house is on fire’, you are advised to skip the rest of this thesis and join the beginner’s course on “Corporate Strategies – 1001” (you would, no doubt, have noticed that this is a ‘1001’ course and not the ‘101’ course that is normally associated with an introductory course for a novice). On the other hand, if you, in the stated situation, naturally exclaim, “I just lifted my head and saw this most amazing, at the same time frightening, sight. An entire house was on fire – yes, the doors, windows, roof, the garage and what looked like an attached dog shelter were all ablaze, with the yellow flames seeming to reach the skies even as some aircraft were seen taking evasive action from the scorching heat”, you might be well qualified to benefit from further reading.

On a more serious note, I am sure you have all come across one or more of the following situations. A manager chastising his secretary with, “you have single-handedly spoilt the entire proposal” for an extra line space between two of the paragraphs in a 30-page document. Programmer-1 briefing her (clueless) boss, “I cannot believe that Programmer-2 delayed testing his program by 20 minutes putting at immense risk our system due two years from now; we all have to work 24/7 to make up for the lost time”. A VP, Sales barking at his Regional Managers, “Why are the monthly reports always late – this is the second time in the last 20 years?”

So, you get the trend. While much of such exaggeration may be harmless or, at worst, irritating, cunning use of this strategy may produce stunning results, usually negative in nature. A customer service rep, having had dinner with her personal friend during a business trip, might have forgotten to deduct a 10-dollar dinner charge while submitting her expense claim. The manager in-charge could well use this to admonish the rep for dishonesty, carelessness, stealing company money and a host of other things destroying the motivation and dedication of the rep who had made a genuine mistake. At a higher level in the corporate game, I mean hierarchy, the CEO of a company can be so nitpicky about the length of reports submitted by his VPs that each VP might start spending 10 minutes in preparing any report and 3 hours (including the time of all subordinates) in shortening the report to meet expected ‘standards’.

Sadly, higher the level at which the mountain-out-of-a-molehill phenomenon exists more difficult it is to correct – who will bell the cat?

Gossip as a Corporate Strategy

While the management gurus pound you with advice on great strategies, propagated all the way down from Peter Drucker, simple day-to-day tools are often seriously overlooked. Gossip, in the hands of the shrewd executive at the right level, beats any of the management theories taught, after paying thousands of dollars, at management schools. In many cases, it takes small talk to an entirely different level with richer rewards.

First, all gossip is not the same. Second, for the best effect, all gossip must be released to the right person at the right time. Two low level executives may have a casual conversation in the parking lot wherein they may exchange gossip about the habits of a new Director who has recently joined the organization; or exchange rumors regarding an upcoming promotion and who the favorites are; or even the affair between the CEO’s secretary and the VP of HR. But such exchanges of mundane gossip do nothing more than help foster a feeling of comradery between the executives.

To become a strategic tool, the art of gossip must be refined and used with a touch of finesse – and this comes from experience and constant practice. Let us say it is the budgeting season where favors, I mean budgets, are being doled out to various departments. The CFO is struggling with cutting costs by chopping off funds approved earlier. To ‘help her along’, you, the Head of IT, whisper into the ears of the CFO, “Hi, I hear that our CEO is rather upset with the lack of returns from the liberal serving of dessert during our quarterly sales review meetings –  and maybe….. the funds are better used for buying more laptops for our IT department…”. Later on, you feign surprise when you are told that your IT budgets have been approved without any cuts.

At the highest levels, judicious injection of gossip into conversations helps keep your subordinates on edge and plunge them into (un)healthy fights over non-existent issues. Let us look at a scenario where the COO is having a ‘casual’ conversation with the VP of Administration.

COO: Hi Jason, how is it going….

VP, Admin: Very well, thank you. Just struggling with controlling increasing travel costs in the company. I …….

COO (“here is an opportunity”): I have been noticing that too. I hear that the sales people are having fun parties while on visits to unqualified prospects.

VP, Admin: Thanks for that tip (I don’t care if this is true or not). I will tighten the belt.

Soon, there begins a cold war between the VP, Admin and VP, Sales on a non-existent problem. Travel expenses are brutally cut down leading to disinterested sales people refusing to travel. In the meanwhile, the originator of the gossip, the COO, with one less thing to monitor, moves on to ‘tackling’ other ‘C’ level executives in the company.

Read On …….

Hello everyone! I am happy to inform you that I have started a companion blog – with the same (hopefully!) sense of humor and satire on everyday life – not just the corporate world.  Please continue your encouragement by reading and commenting on this new theme too. You may follow the link provided on the main menu or click here.  Thank you.

Exception becomes the Rule

Long ago, one of my bosses told me, “There is an exception to every rule but exception itself is not a rule”. I was reveling in the wisdom of such thoughtful words till the reality of the working world set me right.

While the turn of events in the political arena in America seems to have legitimized every possible exception only in recent times, the practice has been nonchalantly adopted by the corporate world for decades, if not centuries.

OK, ok, I know what you are thinking – “what is this lunatic raving about?” – let me get straight to explaining this. When you are at the bottom of the organizational totem pole and you have, let us call them, idiosyncrasies such as interrupting someone in mid-sentence or talking on the phone while ignoring the person in front of you, you would get expressions of disapproval all the way from a stiff upper lip or a raised eyebrow if you are in the company of Englishmen practicing Wodehouse-an values, through a kick under the table if you are amongst friends, to an outright ‘shut-up’ if you are in the company of millennials trying to right everything that is wrong around them. But, if you are tenacious and preserve your behavior as you worm your way up the organization, you will soon reach a level where you can authoritatively have your exceptional behavior be not just tolerated but accepted, many times encouraged and often imitated. Thus you redefine and convert an exception to the norm as the norm.

The key here is that you should be patient and wait till you are at a level in your company where you have earned the right to project the exception as a hallmark of your individual self and style rather than as a lacuna in your capability. Whether it is a case of routinely not paying attention to what people are saying, ignoring facts, writing incoherent emails, eating peanuts and ice cubes during meetings, using the f-word in every sentence or any other equally entertaining habit, no one dares to question you. Even better, everyone starts practicing these exceptions, sorry rules, and they become an integral part of the corporate culture!

QED!

The Offline Company

I think I got you there – you thought you were about to read about a company that has no online presence and does business only through traditional means such as brick-and-mortar shops or traveling salesmen. Wrong! I am referring to the management cliché, that is all too prevalent, of deferring discussion on any topic or issue during a meeting by simply opting to ‘take it offline’!

Meetings are fundamental to the practice and growth of mediocrity and non-performance in corporate life. In large organizations, it is quite easy to mandate the presence of a bewildering array of representatives from various departments for any meeting. The crux of the matter is that no one knows how or why the other departments are involved – because no one knows why their own department is involved in the matter! And, since no one comes prepared with any relevant information, key issues meant to be discussed during a meeting are always side-stepped and marked for ‘offline’ resolution, defeating the very purpose of the meeting.

Let us track the (non)progress of such a meeting with the stated purpose of determining sales targets for the coming year After losing considerable time on scheduling the meeting through a complex algorithm using linear programming techniques to accommodate all participants, the meeting is finally convened. Of course, in keeping with contemporary organizational practices, very few people are physically present at the venue – most are virtual via digital technology.

Martin (CEO): Good morning and welcome. As you all know, we are in a tough market and there is increasing pressure from our investors to double our sales next year. So, Jason, what do we have by way of plans to achieve this?

Jason (Head of Sales) (clearly taken aback by the CEO’s expectations): Er..Hmm… Yes, Martin, we are putting together an aggressive plan to penetrate new markets. We expect a significant increase in the breadth and depth of our coverage. We …

Martin: OK, what does that mean in real terms?

Jason: Liz, could you please share our analysis and projections?

Liz (Market Research): Yes, Jason. We are currently thrice as big as the smallest competitor in our vertical, not considering the international sector. Next year, after adjusting for regional variances and accounting for GDP growth, we should be twice as big as the median competitor in year-on-year sales growth. This, of course…

Martin: Sorry guys, what numbers are we talking about?

Jason: Martin, in the interest of time and to deal with other items on the agenda for this meeting, could we take this offline, outside this meeting?

Martin (clearly enraged): What other items? Was this meeting not meant to focus on sales targets for next year?

Jason: Yes, yes. We will deal with that offline – I promise. Could we now quickly discuss participation in trade shows next year?

Martin (exasperated): Could we not take that offline?

Management by (not ‘of’) Conflict

Conflict Management – the manna from heaven for business schools and management strategists for providing endless advice and, of course, fertile ground for earning handsome fees. Be it words of wisdom from Peter Drucker or the guy in the next cube, conflict management is never far from one’s mind.

While conflict may be viewed as something that is natural in its occurrence prompting one to try and figure out ways and means to resolve (or prevent) the same, the shrewd corporate wizard knows and puts into practice the full potential of conflicts as an effective management tool.

Let us look at a software manager controlling (in the name of ‘coordinating’) the work of two developers under her. One of them mentions in a casual conversation with the manager that the other developer, Mary, is having a tough time finishing a complex program that she is working on. Subsequently, the manager calls Mary and informs her, “John was complaining that your code is not up to standards and that is affecting integration with his programs”. Thus is set in motion a period of eternal rivalry and conflict between John and Mary making them point fingers at each other and lose no opportunity to ‘impress’ their manager by – yes, you are right – putting down his/her colleague, while the manager herself has the luxury of sitting and twiddling her thumbs.

At a higher level in the corporate hierarchy, the conflict tool is used with even more telling (and, needless to say, disastrous) effect. The CEO of a consumer products company could easily sow the seeds for a series of conflicts between the Product Manager and the head of R&D by saying to the latter, “Hey, the Product Manager thinks you guys should be in the baby food business, the way you come up with trashy perfumes!” The CEO clearly is looking to take advantage of this deliberate incitement while seeming to induce competition (more like combat).

Another shining example of benefiting from the creation or encouragement of conflict is in dealing with prospects or customers and the intra-company turf wars that exist. Say, you are trying to sell a new medical device to a hospital. The head of medical practice is at loggerheads with the chief of engineering who feels that the existing devices in the hospital have a life span of 5 more years. You, the supplier, could help by digging up dirt on their engineering department regarding non-existent inefficiencies and arm the head of medical practice to berate and demean their engineers and win his case for ordering new equipment, resulting in predictably unwarranted expenditure for the hospital. Clearly there are many paths to corporate survival, I mean, success!

Adaption, Corporate Style

Amongst all the celebrated ‘virtues’ in the corporate world, ‘Adaption’ ranks right at the top. It could be mistaken by a simpleton to mean the much commended habit of being able to adjust to one’s surroundings and environment. However, the heights (or depths, if you prefer) to which this behavior can be taken and the results achieved will leave you spellbound.

As a newcomer to any company that qualifies to be in the corporate league, you are told, if you have not already thought through it, to adapt to the prevalent corporate culture. This sets you off on a wild goose chase of the elusive phenomenon that conveniently defies any objective definition. You hear passing remarks such as, “…. you got to rise up to it”, “…it is in the genes of this company”,”….this is precisely what I love about this place” and ”….the culture here is unique”. You are baffled and frustrated at the same time and decide to give it some time to sink into you.

A few weeks and several faux pas and mishaps later, you are gradually beginning to understand the adaption game. You can certainly be excused if you get the feeling, more than once, of being an adopted child in the organization. You have adapted to the chaotic habit in the company of copying a minimum of 25 extraneous people in every email and responding to only such emails where you are a ‘cc’ and which do not pertain to your area of work; you have fully embraced the culture of 120-minute meal breaks; you have quickly become adept at putting yourself on mute during most conference calls, and doing your real work.

You try valiantly to find out what is valued in the company – punctuality, working late, meeting deadlines, more/less meetings, sending thank-you notes and emails, sharing work, small talk and so on. You draw a blank when you confront people with these questions – they just shrug or grin. After racking your brain for several months, you give up and decide to go with the flow – and thus adapt!

Some of the adaptations are not easy to come by and this is where you really earn your keep. You should be intuitive enough to know which other departments and managers are on your boss’ favored list. This determines, in no uncertain terms, who your friends and non-friends (you never label anyone as your ‘enemy’ in the corporate world) are – and remember this is a dynamic list that changes often, all part of the culture that you are trying to adapt into. Likewise, you need to know the limits to which information and facts can be stretched – these are obviously elastic in nature – without breaking the proverbial bank (read, your job!). And then there is a plethora of nuances and subtleties of how to do tasks that put yourself (and your boss, of course) in the best light, how to avoid the pitfalls of being associated with a failed project, how not to make any recommendations that may come back to bite you ……. and so on. Yes, adaption in the corporate world is not a joke!